tohuvabohu

“Cynicism is the air we breath, and it is suffocating our hearts.” That’s true on cable news shows, that’s true even in many church leadership meetings, and sadly, that’s often been true of my own heart. Paul Miller wrote it on page 82 of his book, A Praying Life, which I said I would read, so I am. I started a month or so ago and, even though I haven’t loved every turn, there are occasional, exceptional views that keep me from jumping out of the car.

In chapter 10, “Following Jesus out of Cynicism,” Miller opens a window to dispel the smoke of skepticism and suspicion in order to give our prayers fresh air.

Cynicism kills hope. The world of the cynic is fixed and immovable; the cynic believes we are swept along by forces greater than we are. Dreaming feels like so much foolishness. Risk becomes intolerable. Prayer feels pointless, as if we are talking to the wind. Why set ourselves and God up for failure? (85)

Negativity triggers like a safety mechanism of the flesh. But cynicism is not protective or effective, not in the supernatural life. “You don’t have to distance yourself with an ironic, critical stance” (83). The cynic withdraws from people who might possibly disappoint or hurt him (some day), but Solomon says that the man who isolates himself is selfish and rages against all sound wisdom (Proverbs 18:1). A shot of cynicism immunizes us from what makes us most healthy. Iron sharpens iron in contact. Hiding in the sheath all day makes our hearts dull.

Cynicism is not realism. Doubt redefined as wisdom doesn’t fly any higher than my house does after affixing wing stickers on the outside.

Cynicism looks reality in the face, calls it phony, and prides itself on its insight as it pulls back. Thanksgiving looks reality in the face and rejoices at God’s care. (90)

The cynic grumbles about all the bad; “Oh, the depravity!” His policy is to see the nightmare in every situation. But, according to God’s Word, God is still on the throne, God’s will is not thwarted, God is still working each and every thing for believers’ good and His glory. Not only does cynicism snuff out trust in God, it is also disobedient to the degree that it delays or distracts us from thanking God. The wise are thankful, not cynical. We must watch out for “bitterness, the stepchild of cynicism” (89), and spend more time with the daughters of gratitude.

With our pride well wounded halfway through the chapter, Miller then stabs deeper with C.S. Lewis’ finger. Lewis wrote in The Abolition of Man:

You cannot go on “explaining away” for ever: you will find that you have explained explanation itself away. You cannot go on “seeing through” things forever. The whole point of seeing through something is to see something through it.…If you see through everything, then everything is transparent. But a wholly transparent world is an invisible world. To “see through” all things is not the same as not to see. (quoted in A Praying Life, 91)

“[Cynics] assume they are humble because they offer nothing. In fact, they feel deeply superior because they think they see through everything” (91). The Pharisees thought they saw best only because they were blind (cf. John 9:39 – 41).

Everyone fears something, and the object of fear separates wise men from fools. The cynic fears exposure of his own weaknesses, attacks from the small-minded, redirected or unsuccessful endeavors, all leading to loss of influence or esteem. That means he isn’t fearing the LORD, and that means cynicism isn’t wisdom (cf. Proverbs 1:7).

Maybe worst of all, cynics wear clothes from the hypocrite’s closet.

A significant source of cynicism is the fracture between my heart and my behavior. It goes something like this: My heart gets out of tune with God, but life goes on. So I continue to perform and say Christian things, but they are just words. I talk about Jesus without the presence of Jesus. There is a disconnect between what I present and who I am. My words sound phony, so other’s words sound phony too. In short, my empty religious performance leads me to think that everyone is phony. (91 – 92)

That’s a worldly wardrobe, and certainly no outfit for a pastor like myself. So, “While attempting to unmask evil, the cynic creates it” (93). Claiming to be wise, the cynic exchanges the glory of gospel power for the water pistol of pessimism. Cynicism keeps us from fear of the LORD, faith, joy, sacrifice, friendships, accountability, prayer, and love. That’s not smart.

Lord, help me to have serpent insight and dove innocence. Give me hopeful wisdom grounded in gospel promises and guard me from proud cynicism. Help me trust that You see what I see, that You see beyond what I see.

A friend of mine in the retail business shared an acronym used among his fellow-employees. Having regular interaction with confused computer customers, geniuses often identify PEBCAK Errors: Problem Exists Between Chair And Keyboard. I’ve sat in the middle of a few of those myself.

That same friend and I, along with a couple other youth staff leaders, were conversing about small groups. One leader remarked that we regularly run into a certain sort of sheep, and another acronym was born. This type is an OCSO Sheep: One Continual Shepherding Opportunity. A shepherd’s watch never really ends anyway, but some sheep make it more of a ride.

God continues to give me the merciful privilege of speaking with young men who believe that God is calling them to pastoral ministry. I am one of those guys myself, though I started down the shepherd’s road over 19 years ago. The most common and critical question is, Where should I go for training?

Not only is that a ridiculously consequential question, but there are too many ingredients that defy a canned response. Even if the young man demonstrates desire, character, and aptitude for overseeing work, practical considerations such as cost and distance often eliminate certain options at once, especially if they (or their parents) listen to Dave Ramsey every afternoon.

So what are principles and determining priorities? Having gone through the process myself, and having opportunity to think about and attempt to answer the question frequently, here is my “look for this” list.1

The Sacred Writings

Go to a place that believes the Bible has all the answers. This belief should be a living faith, both explicit and implicit. By explicit I mean that the institution affirms the inspiration, inerrancy, and sufficiency of Scripture. If the doctrinal statement is unclear, or if teachers are allowed liberty on the ground level, don’t even enter the building. The Bible in the pastor’s soul food, his training manual, and his shepherding staff. Being educated to doubt and question the Book is no blessing. This criteria eliminates a number of options, but based on statements of belief alone, there are still a fair number of flowers in the field.

Implicit belief in the Bible throws a bunch of those flowers into the oven to be burned. Attitude and practice are as important as, and maybe even more important than, an institution’s written documents. One window is the scope and sequence of the course work, as well as the electives. Are the original languages expected? Are they even offered? Are there more elective classes such as Genesis, Psalms, Matthew, and Ephesians? Or are subjects such as church administration, psychology/counseling, and leadership given greater priority? Though the latter group of classes aren’t unimportant, they are all secondary, and should be built on the Bible. It isn’t enough to sprinkle Bible verses into the syllabus. Be schooled in a place that loves the Bible and points pastors to study the Bible itself, most of all and first of all. We’re already in a very tiny corner of the evangelical field.

Examples to the Flock

Pursue a person (or persons) that you want to be like. Every disciple when he is fully trained will be like his teacher; choose well. Even the most non-conformist student can’t help but be influenced over the course of two, three, or five years of instruction. That’s how it’s supposed to be. That’s why Bible college and seminary aren’t weekenders. So go after faculty who love God’s Word and love God’s people. Watch them. Camp on their lawns. Get in their back pockets. Find those who have practiced finding the point of paragraphs and who have persevered in patiently pastoring sheep.

There will be things you see that you won’t want to do. That, too, is expected and profitable in the process. Only Christ is the Chief Shepherd and only He is a perfect shepherd. But in general, it’s proper to follow leaders who follow Christ. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith. Pursue training by men whose hearts are in a better condition than their grammar. Find those worn by church discipline battles in living rooms, not only exam grading in classrooms. Pay attention to men who minister publicly and from house to house. Pastoral ministry is personal, so search out men that will train you as a person, not as a professional.

A Church to Cherish

Plan to invest in church ministry while being trained for future church ministry. Most of what I learned about being a pastor had little to do with books or papers or exams. Learning to pastor comes by learning to care more for people and less for grades. Effective Bible colleges and seminaries put tools in in the shepherd’s box, but the point is to use the tools, not gather and admire the tools indefinitely.

It makes absolutely no sense to put off heavy ministry involvement under the excuse of training for ministry. I understand the sentiment, that it might enable someone to finish school more quickly, but that approach is counterproductive. My wife would be appropriately disturbed if I abandoned her for three years in order to learn how to be a better husband.

When choosing a college or seminary, the trainee must be as certain as possible that there is a healthy local church in the area. It doesn’t have to be a perfect body; those don’t exist anyway. But the more closely associated a school for pastors is with a church, the more likely the graduate will be equipped to bless.

So go to a place with exemplary men that live and keep His Word and spend their lives for His bride. These aren’t arcane principles, but they frame a paradigm that very few places fit.2

I read chapter two of The Silver Chair to the kids last night before bed (my first time through, too). Jill meets Aslan, and he explains the reason he called her away from Experiment House and reveals her mission. Before blowing her to Narnia, Aslan urges and warns Jill.

[R]emember, remember, remember the Signs. Say them to yourself when you wake in the morning and when you lie down at night, and when you wake in the middle of the night. And whatever strange things may happen to you, let nothing turn your mind form following the Signs. And secondly, I give you a warning. Here on the mountain I have spoken to you clearly: I will not often do so down in Narnia. Here on the mountain, the air is clear and your mind is clear; as you drop down into Narnia, the air will thicken. Take great care that it does not confuse your mind. And the Signs which you have learned here will not look at all as you expect them to look, when you meet them there. That is why it is so important to know them by heart and pay no attention to appearances. Remember the Signs and believe the Signs. Nothing else matters. (21)

The parallels resonate in my head. There are times, often mountaintop type times, when our fellowship with the Lord is pronounced, when we better perceive His nearness. Also during those times His Word appears quite clear. It’s appropriate to linger with Him and rehearse our instructions, burning them into our minds for later when things may not be so obvious. The truth never changes, but we tend to forget it, and it may look different depending on where we’re standing and how much we’re entangled by seen things. We will have done well to memorize our mission and the promises He’s given.

I still have retreat on the brain. It’s been my own experience, and observation of other’s experiences, that a Bible-driven retreat can be a similar time of tasting that the Lord is good. The fact that our perception isn’t exactly the same once back down the mountain doesn’t necessarily mean that what was heard and seen was without substance. In fact, we are more accountable for, not excused from, commitments made in clearer air. We must take great care to remember the signs.

Repentance involves remorse over our sinful nature and sinful acts. Repentance also involves renunciation of our self-sufficiency and self-righteousness. Now we come to the third ingredient.

3. Repentance involves reorientation of our passions and pleasures.

Maybe that sounds strange. Pleasure is probably not what first comes to mind when we hear the word repentance. But I think this is the part that’s missing most. This is the part that we misunderstand most, and the reason that our repentance is often so short-lived.

Too often we confine repentance to stopping or avoiding sin. Repentance is not less than a change of bad behavior, but it also must include a change of desires. Repentance keeps us from worldliness, not because our minds are changed about the definition of sin. True repentance keeps us from worldliness because our minds are changed about wanting sin. Note how Paul perceived “godly” grief in the Corinthians:

For see what earnestness this godly grief has produced in you, but also what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what punishment! At every point you have proved yourselves innocent in the matter. (2 Corinthians 7:11)

Godly grief produces “earnestness” and “eagerness.” It produces “zeal” instead of lukewarmness (cf. Revelation 3). Repentance is a change of mind, that results in changed wants not merely changed ways. We stop denying that we’ve disobeyed His standard. We stop declaring that we have our own righteousness. And we start desiring God as our greatest pleasure!

So what is repentance? It is a change of mind that involves remorse over our sinful nature and acts, renunciation of our self-sufficiency and self-righteousness, and reorientation of our passions and pleasures. It is a turn toward joy.

There are three ingredients to repentance. Previously we saw that repentance involves remorse over our sinful nature and sinful acts. When we repent, we humbly and sorrowfully confess our rebellious condition and disobedient conduct. There is more.

2. Repentance involves renunciation of our self-sufficiency and self-righteousness.

Repentance is not turning away from sin and bringing something of value to God. It is turning away from sin and coming to Him because we know we have nothing good to bring. We admit our inability to please Him, as well as our inability to desire Him. We give up attempting to offer our goodness or holiness to please or appease Him.

Denial of our sin is the first enemy of repentance, but the second enemy is dependence on our righteousness. Trying to earn salvation by doing good things may keep as many or more people away from God as those defying Him. He is not interested in what we have or what we can do. None of us meet His perfect standard, nor could we. When we repent, we not only sorrowfully acknowledge all the wrong we’ve done, we also give up claims to any good on our own.

That is the reason John the Baptist rejected the Pharisees and religious leaders when they met him at the Jordan River in Matthew 3. They thought they were bringing their own good to the table. John told them to “bear fruits in keeping with repentance” (Matthew 3:8). The indictment against the Laodiceans disclosed ignorance of their true condition, and they were urged to repent from making such arrogant claims of prosperity.

Confessing sin, but claiming righteousness, kept the Jews from salvation.

For I bear them witness that they have a zeal for God, but not according to knowledge. For, being ignorant of the righteousness of God, and seeking to establish their own, they did not submit to God’s righteousness. (Romans 10:2 – 3)

Renunciation of self-righteousness is also the reason why belief is so closely connected with repentance. Repent and believe…what? Believe that Christ bore the penalty for our unrighteousness and that He provides His righteousness. Genuine repentance includes abandoning any reason for boasting in ourselves.

Repentance recurs regularly in the Bible. In the New Testament, the Greek word translated repentance is metanoia (μετάνοια), which, in its most basic sense, means “a change of mind.” But as we examine its usage, I think we can see a more precise understanding of all that is involved in that change of mind. I want to point out three parts of this change of mind or, three ingredients of repentance, starting with the first today.

1. Repentance involves remorse over our sinful nature and sinful acts.

There would be no need for repentance if there were no authority, who held no standard, or if we were perfectly obedient to that standard. One of the reasons repentance is not a regular topic of conversation is because we have a relativistic (without one standard) and pluralistic (without one authority) mindset. Biblical repentance recognizes that God is the authority and that His Word is the law.

According to His Word, we are all guilty of disobeying His standard. The very first man God created broke the only rule he was given within the first few days of his existence. Since then, we are sinners by nature. We inherit a sinful nature from Adam. Even more, that nature inevitably causes us to act, and the more we act, the greater our slavery to sin. All of us have sinned. None of us, not even one, does good. We are all guilty.

Repentance begins with a humble, sorrowful acknowledgement of our condition and conduct. The acknowledgment is what we call confession.

If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. (1 John 1:8 – 10)

1 John is addressed to believers, which means that even after salvation, confession or acknowledgment of sin is an ongoing need. The fact is, “Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy” (Proverbs 28:13). Confession is a part of repentance, not separate from it. I draw that conclusion because John the Baptist came preaching in the wilderness saying, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand” (Matthew 3:2). In verse six, those who responded to his message were being baptized and “confessing their sins.” Confessing our sin, therefore, is part of repenting from our sin.

But as I said, it is to be a humble acknowledgment. Again, the “kingdom of heaven” was at stake in Matthew 3:2. Jesus preached the same message about the kingdom connected with personal repentance in Matthew 4:17. Then in Matthew 5:3, the kingdom of heaven is constituted by the “poor in spirit.” In other words, God’s people are spiritually humble people. These blessed ones also “mourn” (Matthew 5:4), presumably over their sin. A truly repentant person is broken over his sinful condition.

Grief, sorrow, and mourning are clearly connected by Paul in 2 Corinthians 7:8 – 10.

For even if I made you grieve with my letter, I do not regret it — though I did regret it, for I see that that letter grieved you, though only for a while. As it is, I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because you were grieved into repenting. For you felt a godly grief, so that you suffered no loss through us. For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.

The apostle had written to confront their sin. They responded with sorrow. The acknowledgement of sin, of having violated the standard and offending the Authority, is not an unaffected, cold assessment. It includes remorse, that is, deep regret for a wrong committed. Repentance involves heavy, broken-hearted sorrow. Job illustrated this attitude when, after God confronted him for four chapters, he exclaimed, “I despise myself, and repent in dust and ashes” (Job 42:6).

But grief, in and of itself, does not equal repentance. There is a “worldly grief” that leads to death. It is possible to be sorry and not repent. It’s possible to feel bad, to have pangs of conscience due to sin, and still not be repenting. Augustine spent at least nine years previous to his conversion overwhelmed by sorrow, but not yet repenting from his sin.

For that matter, fear of hell does not equal repentance. Augustine asserted that, “A man who is afraid of sinning because of Hell-fire, is afraid, not of sinning, but of burning” (quoted in Brown, 372). Repentance involves godly grief, remorse over our sinful nature and acts. That isn’t all.

What do we think about when we hear the word “repentance”? What things do we associate with repentance? What synonyms would we use for repentance?

Perhaps the most important question is, when was the last time we repented? Do we repent on a weekly, or even daily basis? Is repentance something we do only once, when we get saved? Is repentance something we do only when we’ve committed a major sin?

The word repentance is closely connected with the Bible, or at least it used to be. Prophets preached repentance in the Old Testament and apostles preached repentance in the New Testament. Certain cities and nations were spared for repenting (Ninevah). Other cities and peoples were dramatically destroyed for failing to repent (Sodom and Gommorah, as well as Jerusalem). John the Baptist came preaching repentance. Peter preached repentance on the day of Pentecost. Jesus revealed that His earthly mission was aimed not to serve the righteous, but to call sinners to repentance.

Yet repentance has largely disappeared from our culture’s vocabulary (along with a lot of other biblical language), including our Christian conversation. The people who seem to use it most are usually those that come across as angry. They stand in front of football stadiums wearing sandwich board signs and shouting, “Repent or die!” and, “Turn or burn!” We might use the word repentance as a last resort, keeping it in the bag until the last possible moment, fearing that any talk of repentance might turn people away from Jesus.

In our daily spiritual walk we rarely refer to, let alone practice, repentance. When we encounter God’s discipline or when we’re feeling guilty over sin, we talk about change, or maybe we talk about doing better next time. But it’s shamefully rare to hear someone come out and say, “I had to, or need to, repent.”

To be fair, there exists a small community of “grunge” Christians who have responded to the goody-two-shoes, Sunday-best Christians, who know that no one can be perfectly righteous, and who run the other direction. It seems like these brothers and sisters can only talk about how wicked, vile, and sinful they are. They write songs and blogs divulging their nasty, sinful secrets and demand that all Christians do the same in order to be “real.” But ironically, this group doesn’t understand repentance any better. It is as if they think being bad and wallowing in sin is more authentic than confessing sin and then moving away from it.

So what is repentance? Our goal is to answer that question in a mini-theology of repentance, and hopefully it will have very practical and immediate benefit. We’ll try to unravel the biblical teaching on repentance by asking three simple questions: What is repentance? What is repentance from? And, What keeps us from repentance?

This year, rather than making resolutions proper, I’m going to answer Don Whitney’s Ten Questions to Ask at the Start of a New Year. It’s free, it’s fresh (to me), and should be spiritually fruitful.

1. What’s one thing you could do this year to increase your enjoyment of God?

Taking my cue from 1 Peter 1:13, I want to build up my “hope on the grace that will brought to [us] at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” The blueprint has two pages. First, I intend to “gird up the loins of my mind” by my answer/approach to #5 below. Second, I plan to put up walls over in the eschatology district so that hope can play happily.

2. What’s the most humanly impossible thing you will ask God to do this year?

Prudence advises that I keep this answer in my prayers and out of the post.

3. What’s the single most important thing you could do to improve the quality of your family life this year?

Maybe it isn’t “the single most important thing,” but in order to improve the quality of our family (worship) life, I’m going to explore and establish our sabbath dinner liturgy. If that isn’t enough, see also #10.

4. In which spiritual discipline do you most want to make progress this year, and what will you do about it?

Journaling has always been more miss than hit for me. Though it isn’t as crucial as Bible reading and prayer, most books on spiritual disciplines include it, and I’ve benefited from doing it. So to make progress in this discipline I’ll give it shot at least three times a week in 2010. I have also decided to read the Bible chronologically for my first time.

5. What is the single biggest time-waster in your life, and what will you do about it this year?

The Internet.

In order to lay aside every weight, not get entangled in civilian pursuits, and gird up the loins of my mind, I’m going on an Internet diet for the year. I will imbibe from the Internet only three days a week (Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday). That includes all email, tweets, news, and blogs. On the other four days I will send (update, post, etc.), but won’t receive. With email, I’ll triage twice a day in case of emergencies, but otherwise it’s days with less dings for me. Besides.…

I already removed Safari and Tweetie from my Dock, and I’m thinking about changing the shortcuts on my iPhone’s home page.

Also, to kick start the diet, and for more focused preparation for snow retreat, I’m taking another total Google Reader fast until January 30.

6. What is the most helpful new way you could strengthen your church?

This isn’t only up to me, but GBC has the opportunity to start supporting a new missionary this year, and I’ve been given the go ahead to begin that research.

7. For whose salvation will you pray most fervently this year?

I figure she reads my blog. That’s great; I want her to know. I have been praying for my sister’s salvation for a while, but I’ve arranged to keep it near the center of my prayer radar this year.

8. What’s the most important way you will, by God’s grace, try to make this year different from last year?

I came late to the celebration table in 2009. It’s taken quite a while for me to realize how dishonoring I’ve been to the good Giver, so I hope to make 2010 an entire year of knowing the time to mourn and time to dance. Sometimes fearing is learned in feasting, and to whom much has been given, much rejoicing is required.

9. What one thing could you do to improve your prayer life this year?

My prayer program is as tight as ever. I even taught a seminar on prayer last year, and tried some new things myself. But there is always room to excel still more. I’ve heard excellent things about A Praying Life, so I Amazoned a copy and will start reading in February.

10. What single thing that you plan to do this year will matter most in ten years? In eternity?

Paperwork. We don’t have an abundance of free moments at our end of the cul-de-sac, but taking time to fill in these blanks may matter more than many other things. Mo and I have in hand the initial go-round of forms to get the adoption process started through Antioch Adoptions.

The annual resolutions review is good. And humbling. And heartening. And yes, both at the same time.

My two 2009 resolutions were very much related to two teaching series that occupied my mind: a verse by verse study through Genesis and a retreat on Repentance.

• Articulate something six days a week.

This resolution was spectacular, a spectacular fail. It was my “most specific resolution ever,” and though the wheels rolled, they never left the ground. The pilot of my mind was either too lazy, too undisciplined, or too slow to leave the torpor tarmac.

Now, I did do a little light journaling, tweeted a tad, made a few offerings to the Void, sent 52 Weekly emails to our youth staff (probably my most gratifying effort), and answered a plethora of electronic and handwritten correspondence. I also figure I preached between 90 – 100 times in 2009, many of those messages required new prep. But I know the authorial intent behind my resolution, and spinning the story still won’t make it fly.

On the bright side, this resolution to write was originally charted due to my study of God’s creating men as His image-bearers. As far as that goes – meaning my understanding of His mandate and my perspective on being made for responsibility and relationship – my life, marriage, and ministry have never been more Trinitarian.

Tangentially, I have also taken long strides in my interest in, and capacity for, celebration. The Persons of the Trinity could not be more happy, and my happinesslessness reflected wrongly on the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. I’ve repented of running only on the commiserating leg, and that leads to the second resolution.

• Initiate individual and interpersonal repentance.

By God’s grace, repentance was back on my heart’s radar week by week. I neglected regular confession in private prayers less, and I did better at including confession in times when leading corporate prayer. I saw (some) sins more clearly and tasted sweeter delights by turning from them. Though it was humbling, a bellyful of knotted-stomach grief came out as I sought forgiveness from others, especially from some who are close, those for whom the flesh prefers to save face. Speaking about repentance at the snow retreat wasn’t done from a platform of perfection, but neither was it done from pretense.

It’s certainly possible that someone reading this may feel like I missed one, with them. If that’s the case, there is no statute of limitations, and let’s get some gospel on it. Otherwise, repentance is one of those resolutions that I hope to have less need for, but am quicker to do, for a lifetime of sanctification.